yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
