i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We left the knife in your bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
