Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
