I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
