I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
