It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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