so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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