I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
