Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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