Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
