dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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