cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
