Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
