i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
