I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
