this just has baby written all over it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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