I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
