i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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