A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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