brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
