my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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