I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
