She is in my trunk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
