Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And then my night got REAL pukey
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
