I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
