he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
