i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
