I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
