I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
