The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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