I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
