I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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