my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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