Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
