it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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