U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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