We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
