I got chris browned last night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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