life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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