im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
