i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
