By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
