Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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