Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
