How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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