I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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