Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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