It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
