We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
