im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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