im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
