Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
