I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
